Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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