its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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