Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
