I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
