oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize