Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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