it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
