my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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