My friends, they love my intelligence
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
