We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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