I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
