I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize