So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
