i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
