When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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