im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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