Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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