you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
