Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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