I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
