I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
