At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
