I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
