One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
