She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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