I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
