he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
