went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We need a shit load of segways right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
