I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
