One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
