Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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