My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Someone shit on the floor
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
