i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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