I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
