8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize