I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
