haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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