The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
