hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Less talking, more tequila
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
