Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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