I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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