I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
