Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your penis caused this!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
