So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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