I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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