Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am one with the molecules
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
