At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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