I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize