This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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