Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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