Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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