mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
