Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
