Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
