she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
