Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
