I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
