i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
