Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
