someone get that fucking seahorse.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
