I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
