This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
