Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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