on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
