Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
