Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
