Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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