Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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