I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
