Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
