his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
