I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
