I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
