Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
