Who wears a wallet chain?!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
