he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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