I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
