wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
