buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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