FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
