i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
