i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
