I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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