sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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