If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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