Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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