I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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