ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
