i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
