I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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