Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
