You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
