Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
