I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
