i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
