im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
