Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
