and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
