I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
